Smitha had an appointment with a well known psychiatrist, Dr.Linda that evening. She knew that she should retain control of her mind and try to forget all her fears and hopelessness. After all, failure was the stepping stone to success, or so they said. The doctor’s office was well furnished, with nice wooden cabinets, clean carpets and rosewood chairs. A good-looking receptionist enquired Smitha regarding her appointment. She duly showed her file, and was immediately escorted to the doctor’s room.
Dr. Linda was a tall, thin woman who wore very little makeup except for her light colored lipstick. She had a necklace made of thick blue beads, which reminded Smitha about the gypsy women back in India. She had a pleasant amicable face, and looking at her Smitha was reassured that her problems would be resolved. This was her second visit to the doctor, the first one being an introductory kind of session where the discussion revolved around her childhood, parents and marriage. Each session with the doctor was for two hours and cost a considerable fee. Today the doctor invited Smitha to sit in the black couch opposite to her desk. Smitha was only too eager to talk. Raghav had been a wonderful husband so far, supporting her during this mental crisis. It was high time that all of her fears were put to rest.
The doctor enquired about Smitha’s health. She asked Smitha to talk about her baby. Smitha started off –
“We had planned for this baby some time ago, however it took almost a year for me to get pregnant. When I finally found out that I was pregnant, was overjoyed and started planning for my little one’s life. I used to listen to Classical Music to soothe my mind and started yoga to relax my muscles during that time. We attended birth classes together. I collected short stories which I could recite to him when he’s old enough to listen, knit tiny sweaters for my new born, and also decorated his cot. I used to talk to my little one, and Raghav would always make fun of me. Raghav and me enthusiastically browsed the internet for baby names, the best kind of baby oils and powders. It was like a dream come true, a life growing inside me who would eventually call me “Mom”.
She wiped a tear and continued, “When it was finally time, I started having contractions and got admitted to the hospital. The nurse frequently checked upon me and then after 5 hours of labor, decided that now was the time. Raghav was also allowed into the Delivery Room. The baby did come out, but was born with four hands, holding a conch-shell, a club, a disc and a lotus flower, in each hand. There wasn’t even a drop of blood on him. The Indian nurse in the room, knelt down and started praying. The Doctor looked at the child with awe. Raghav fainted on the spot.” Smitha was fervently crying now. “I had so many dreams, I cannot look at him as my child, instead I have to respect Him and take care of Him, till He leaves me for a higher purpose. Why would God do this to me doctor”?
The doctor said, “Are you talking about Lord Krishna of Hindu mythology, I mean the way he was born? Am afraid am not that familiar with the Hindu Gods.”
Smitha said, “Yes! Yes! I fear Him, I cannot even look at Him, let alone hold Him. Whenever I try to forget this fact and look and Him with motherly affection, He reminds me of all my sins and how unworthy I am to be His mother.”
Smitha woke up with a start, she had been dreaming. She was sweating profusely all over. She felt her stomach, yes, the baby was still there. She resolved to read less of epics like the Bhagvad Gita and stop watching TV serials like “Sree Krishna Mahatyam (The Greatness of Sri Krishna)” for the time being. After all, “Too much of nectar also becomes poison”.










