Every once in a while I tend to get into this morose mood where I sit back and recollect at all the things that my peers, ie, my school mates, my college mates, a few colleagues and friends have done with their lives and try to collate with what I have done with my life so far. And invariably I get stuck on one particular aspect which most of my friends have achieved/done and I have not, travelling to the US, studying/working there, earning in US Dollars and spending in Indian Rupees.
While I pride myself on the fact that by and large I have lived a life on my own terms without necessarily comparing my life and my achievements with others’, the reality is that I probably am as much human as the guy next to me is and thoughts like these reinforce this reality.
A standard TamBrahm who was born in the 1980s was supposed to be doing this : Get into a decent school, get awesome marks in his 10th Standard Board Exams, get even better marks in his 12th Standard Board Exams, get an Engineering/Medical degree, get into some fancy US University to do MS or MD as the case may be, get an awesome high paying job in the US after that, save up on lots of money, get married to a nice TamBrahm girl by the time you are 30, have a kid by the time you are 32, buy a nice apartment in your home town by the time you are 35, etc
Here’s my TamBrahm life so far : Got into a decent school, got only decent marks in 10th Standard Board Exams, got even lesser decent marks in my 12th Standard Board Exams, tried my luck at Chartered Accountancy, didn’t succeed, got into an IIM at age 24, got into Delivery Role at an IT job (of all the things to do as an IIM Grad!!!) at age 26, been involved with managing testing projects (of all the things to do at an IT job as an IIM Grad!!!) for the past 6 yrs now, got married when I was 27, had a kid when I was 31, have not bought an apartment yet, have not saved any money yet.
Reading both the paragraphs above, it is quite clear that my life has been anything but that of a typical TamBrahm. If anything I have led a truly unplanned mediocre life without necessarily having any clear goals. If anybody had asked me at anytime during the last 15 odd years where I would be 5 yrs from that point, my standard reply was “I will be happy, I will be content, I will be smiling”. In fact, that probably remains my answer even today. A lot of people think I am insane, they think that I am shirking away from my responsibility towards my parents, my wife and my daughter when I give that answer, they think that I am either lazy, insensitive, mediocre or a combination of all of the above things.
So far I have been blessed enough (or lucky enough for my atheist readers) that God (or fate for my atheist readers) has been kind enough to provide me with some really good opportunities to do what I really like. I didn’t quite have my heart in Chartered Accountancy, and was lucky enough to get into an IIM at that point. I wasn’t quite interested in doing a Finance job and was lucky enough to get into an IT job which provided me with an opportunity to run teams, run projects, which is something I probably am decently good at, given that I have done a decent job of it so far for the last 6 yrs. Life has been kind enough to me so that I bumped into S during the entire bride hunting process and she agreed to marry me, I really cannot imagine being married to somebody else. It has been kind enough to both S and me for having given us R, our little bundle of joy 6 months ago.
But somewhere in the middle of all this, the entire TamBrahm American dream lost out. Somewhere down the way this ceased to even enter my head as an option, as something that I just had to do. Despite the fact that I probably am the biggest fan of Hollywood blockbusters and all those funny American SitComs such as Friends, How I Met Your Mother, Everybody loves Raymond, Scrubs, etc, somehow the thought of actually doing something to spend some time in the US, working there, earning in US Dollars, buying all those fancy gadgets like the iPad, iPhone, visiting places like Las Vegas, Disneyland, etc never quite fit into my scheme of things. Wonder why….
But have I lost out on anything because I haven’t quite lived the TamBrahm American dream? I don’t think so. I can still make enough money back here in India (not as much in Indian Rupees compared to the other alternative) to plan and actually visit the US on a tourist visa. I can still make enough money to buy some of those fancy gadgets (already bought and gifted Appa an Amazon Kindle which he absolutely loves). And guess what, I probably am in my happiest phase of life when R is all of 6 months old, just learning to crawl forwards, just learning to babble words, S and me have been married almost all of 5 wonderful years. Life is good even without the TamBrahm American dream.
But still the question remains…..what if?
What if? is a question every human would think atleast once in a lifetime. A tambram in US who brings up his children in American culture would wonder what she would be like if brought up in India. He would wonder whether the pati’s and thatha’s would be closer to them if he lived in India. He would wonder whether money is the be all and end all of life. he would wonder whether this foreign culture is what he had dreamed of and wanted to live with. He would look around and search for Indians, look to “indianize” things, mingle with Indians, search for Indian food restaurants, ask “malayali aano” immediately when he recognizes a Keralite, take part in Indian festival programmes, arrange barbeques for Indian friends, take part in carnatic music concerts and so on
What we have in abundance in India is precious in US. is that what we want?
What is there in America apart from money?
Completely agree with the fact that all of us think of this “What If” question every once in a while in our lives. Let me put it this way, if I personally had followed the TamBrahm American dream and was still writing regular posts, my What If post would have been written the way you mentioned it. Come to think of it, that probably makes interesting material for another post…what say you?
Cheers……..mahabore
The road not taken, is always a road of romantic allure ! The American Dream is a tough dream to have. I know of many who seek to leave behind that dream and come back.
I am not here to pass any judgement, but thats just fact ! To each to his own !
Am glad you are having a fantastic time here. It is difficult and rare to find folks that go at life with a certain rhythm that outpaces everybody else, by the sheer strength of thought and conviction. Congratulations !
Wow Kavi, am actually flattered that you think I am somebody that “goes at life with a certain rhythm that outpaces everybody else, by sheer strength of thought and conviction.” Not to sound condescending or anything like that, but you give me way too much credit, or at least that particular sentence does
I personally am just somebody who went with the ‘flow of things’ as the post says. I’ve been lucky enough that life has provided me with enough wonderful opportunities and chances and the only real good thing I have done is work hard at trying to make the most of these chances, that’s all. That once again is material for another post, and as usual Kavi, thanks for stopping by and posting your thoughts on this post. Truly appreciate it.
Cheers…….mahabore
Remove that ‘what if’.Try. You write well. I know you are not now asking, ‘what if?’
All the best.
Well sir, I wish I had removed the ‘what if’ question from my mind completely, but the fact that the thought manifested itself into this blog post means that somewhere in my heart, in my head, that question still exists…albeit in a much lesser intensity than it used to a few years ago.
Cheers……..mahabore
If you had achieved your TamBrahm American dream… You would not have been blessed with your S and R… Life would have been different…And you might have been writing – Mera Bharath Mahaan!!!
I dunno, that is another big “What If” post by itself. In fact like I mentioned earlier in one of my replies, I will probably try and imagine this question from the other perspective as well.
Cheers……mahabore
Well that is a wonderful ‘what if’ situation right? What if I had pursued and achieved my TamBrahm American dream, would I have met and married S, would we have been blessed with R, how would everything else have been in life….We’ll never know will we
Cheers….mahabore
Thank god u both dint go for a US TamBrahm life, otherwise I would have missed many wonderful moments of my life.
Look at it this way, my ‘what if’ post made you think about ‘what if they had pursued their US TamBrahm life? how would my life have been different?’. Go ahead and write a post and mail it to me, I will post it on the blog as a ‘Guest Post’…
Cheers….mahabore
Looks like after missing out on Chartered Accountancy, doing IIM, you are enjoying life at 31. Who cares of ‘What If’ when life is green on your shore. Whats the point of assisting development of another country & betraying the one that gave you your education. The typical TamBram who got to US have the attitude to settle down in US & brood about India, instead its better to be here and make the India a better place to live
Well, agreed to the fact that I am enjoying life to the fullest, but as an individual I have always asked myself ‘What if’ to a lot of situations, and I guess this post was a result of me asking that question to ‘what if I had also pursued the typical TamBrahm American dream’ that’s all…
Cheers……..mahabore
This was a comment on Facebook from somebody who I look up to a lot and am therefore re-posting it here on the blog:
Vinod Narayana – Good one ! To think I was the only disillusioned guy, 40 plus, suffering bouts of depression post my smoking cessation, worried about the prospect of bringing late-born twins well past my useful life, etc. Well, life is about choices and we live out the consequences of our choices. As long as one has made choices in full knowledge of the consequences, then what is one complianing about – the fact that life provides choices? So there you go Jam, another one quite the TamBrahm, quite the nomad, quite the one not living the TamBrahm dream – like you are. May our tribe increase!
I can relate to this post. Every now and then, I have too have a debate going on in my mind, only its about playing stay at home mom and returning to work .
I came by your blog yesterday and read several posts of yours. I would have left some comments but I was reading from one of those gadgets (one that we have because we’re in the US now
) I hate keying in anything from. About living in the US, you aren’t missing much, except for some great places to visit. Thankfully you can always travel. And you know — those gadgets, you can buy them too. Be it here or there, I think if you have an option you should chose where you can live life on your own terms, right?
Did I tell you, I enjoyed all the posts I went throug? I’ll be coming here more often. Meanwhile you check this out http://dnambiar11.blogspot.com/2012/02/versatile-blogger-award-spreading-love.html