Yet another awesome post from my all time favorite Guest Author, my ex-manager and close friend. This time around he takes us through his pointers on finding a suitable boy (read groom) for yourself or your daughter, as the case may be.
A client-side manager (an Indian we will call Mr.X) had invited me for his wedding in Chennai. I could not make it to his wedding for some reason and about a month later I was at his office for a team meeting. I was mentioning to our associate there that I wanted to wish the client manager on his getting married. Our associate said – “Thank goodness, you told me! Mr.X has just split from his wife!” Though I could not attend his wedding, I did make it to his break-up party. It made me realize how fragile the whole institution called marriage is.
I don’t know about our share prices, but marital prospects of our associates has just zoomed after our stupendous Q3 results. My community magazines (Narasimha Priya and Ranganatha Paduka) will need separate supplements just to list out classifieds from our eligible associates. None of the IT companies (ours included) prepare our campus-hires for the realities of life. At best, our Academy trains them on basics of Java and let them loose on innocent project leads.
So here are a few pointers for those looking to tie the marital knot –
1. Ask not what the boy’s job title is, ask what his role is. Most job titles have no connection with what the boy does at work.
2. Ask not what the boy’s compensation is, ask how much he saves. I have seen too many double income IT families struggling to pay their house rent because of an ill-advised foreign holiday or a fancy car that they cannot afford.
3. Looks are important, but not that important. The guy looking like actor Surya now will look like Powerstar after a few years.
4. Your parents will look for marital alliances from our Tier-1 competitors. Do they run better, run different? I don’t think so. There are bad apples everywhere.
5. Don’t splurge on a lavish wedding. Everyone will enjoy at your dad’s expense but you.
6. Don’t take a stand on joint family Vs. nuclear family without knowing more about your would-be’s family. They might even be better than yours.
7. Learn to cook. For God’s sake at least now! Too many couples have split after endless days of cup noodles.
8. Stay away from married ones. Their spouse will send out a Predator Drone to take you out.
9. First impressions are not always correct. My wife never tires of reminding me that I dressed like a clown the first time I met her. She had all the reasons for rejection, but she took a chance with me. It has turned out OK, I think!
10. Marriage is about companionship for the rest of your life. Look for a friend and you will have found your spouse.
11. I couldn’t resist this as I am in the testing practice. Trust, but verify all claims!
I just finished reading Devdutt Pattanaik’s book – ‘SITA’. It is the story of Ramayana from Sita’s point of view. In short, Rama and Sita are comfortable with each other whether they are in the palace or whether they are at the forest, whether they are together or whether they are apart. That’s why in TAM BRAHM weddings, the girl’s father chants –
Iyam Sita Mama Sutha, Sahadharmachari thapa Pratheechcha Chainam Bhadram Thae Pannim Grihneeshwa Paanina
‘This is Sita, my daughter. She will be with you in all your endeavors. Please accept her. I invoke all blessings to ward off evil. Hold her hand in marriage’.
Now you know why Superstar planned a Vaishnavite wedding ceremony when he gave away his daughter to Dhanush. So far, it seems to have worked out well.
I personally loved all the points and had to completely agree with him a hundred fold on every count. However, given that this is an extremely Tam Brahm (read Tamil Brahmin) oriented viewpoint, I would love to hear from you readers as to what your pointers in this regard would be.
Verses for Introspection: 5
अव्यक्तादीनि भूतानि व्यक्तमध्यानि भारत।
अव्यक्तनिधनान्यॆव तत्र का परिवॆदना।।
Avyakthaadeeni bhootaani vyaktha madhyaani Bhaarata
Avyakta-nidhanaanyeva tatra kaa paridevanaa
– Bhagavat Gita 2.28
Beings unmanifest in the beginning and unmanifest again in their end seem to be manifest in the middle, O Bharata. What then is there to grieve about?
Points for Introspection:
The futility of human life is explained in the sloka.
Inspired by Swami Bhoomananda TirthaJi’s talks and satsangs.