Guest Post : A suitable boy

Yet another awesome post from my all time favorite Guest Author, my ex-manager and close friend. This time around he takes us through his pointers on finding a suitable boy (read groom) for yourself or your daughter, as the case may be.

Image courtesy : Google Image Search
Image courtesy : Google Image Search


A client-side manager (an Indian we will call Mr.X) had invited me for his wedding in Chennai. I could not make it to his wedding for some reason and about a month later I was at his office for a team meeting. I was mentioning to our associate there that I wanted to wish the client manager on his getting married. Our associate said – “Thank goodness, you told me! Mr.X has just split from his wife!” Though I could not attend his wedding, I did make it to his break-up party. It made me realize how fragile the whole institution called marriage is.

The Present

I don’t know about our share prices, but marital prospects of our associates has just zoomed after our stupendous Q3 results. My community magazines (Narasimha Priya and Ranganatha Paduka) will need separate supplements just to list out classifieds from our eligible associates. None of the IT companies (ours included) prepare our campus-hires for the realities of life. At best, our Academy trains them on basics of Java and let them loose on innocent project leads.

So here are a few pointers for those looking to tie the marital knot –

1. Ask not what the boy’s job title is, ask what his role is. Most job titles have no connection with what the boy does at work.

2. Ask not what the boy’s compensation is, ask how much he saves. I have seen too many double income IT families struggling to pay their house rent because of an ill-advised foreign holiday or a fancy car that they cannot afford.

3. Looks are important, but not that important. The guy looking like actor Surya now will look like Powerstar after a few years.

4. Your parents will look for marital alliances from our Tier-1 competitors. Do they run better, run different? I don’t think so. There are bad apples everywhere.

5. Don’t splurge on a lavish wedding. Everyone will enjoy at your dad’s expense but you.

6. Don’t take a stand on joint family Vs. nuclear family without knowing more about your would-be’s family. They might even be better than yours.

7. Learn to cook. For God’s sake at least now! Too many couples have split after endless days of cup noodles.

8. Stay away from married ones. Their spouse will send out a Predator Drone to take you out.

9. First impressions are not always correct. My wife never tires of reminding me that I dressed like a clown the first time I met her. She had all the reasons for rejection, but she took a chance with me. It has turned out OK, I think!

10. Marriage is about companionship for the rest of your life. Look for a friend and you will have found your spouse.

11. I couldn’t resist this as I am in the testing practice. Trust, but verify all claims!

I just finished reading Devdutt Pattanaik’s book – ‘SITA’. It is the story of Ramayana from Sita’s point of view. In short, Rama and Sita are comfortable with each other whether they are in the palace or whether they are at the forest, whether they are together or whether they are apart. That’s why in TAM BRAHM weddings, the girl’s father chants –

Iyam Sita Mama Sutha, Sahadharmachari thapa Pratheechcha Chainam Bhadram Thae Pannim Grihneeshwa Paanina

‘This is Sita, my daughter. She will be with you in all your endeavors. Please accept her. I invoke all blessings to ward off evil. Hold her hand in marriage’.

Now you know why Superstar planned a Vaishnavite wedding ceremony when he gave away his daughter to Dhanush. So far, it seems to have worked out well.
I personally loved all the points and had to completely agree with him a hundred fold on every count. However, given that this is an extremely Tam Brahm (read Tamil Brahmin) oriented viewpoint, I would love to hear from you readers as to what your pointers in this regard would be.


Verses for Introspection: 5

अव्यक्तादीनि भूतानि व्यक्तमध्यानि भारत।

अव्यक्तनिधनान्यॆव तत्र का परिवॆदना।।

Avyakthaadeeni bhootaani vyaktha madhyaani Bhaarata

Avyakta-nidhanaanyeva tatra kaa paridevanaa

–    Bhagavat Gita 2.28          


Beings unmanifest in the beginning and unmanifest again in their end seem to be manifest in the middle, O Bharata. What then is there to grieve about?

Points for Introspection:

The futility of human life is explained in the sloka.

Inspired by Swami Bhoomananda TirthaJi’s talks and satsangs. 

32 thoughts on “Guest Post : A suitable boy

    • @Kajal, yes, absolutely, the intention of this post was never to confine myself to providing a comprehensive list of pointers 🙂

  1. An interesting list of pointers. I’m definitely with you on the friendship part. I’m also looking forward to reading Sita but unfortunately not yet available in NZ. Will be interesting to read the Ramayana from Sita’s perspective.

  2. Ah! I would have added that a clown makes a more interesting husband than a workaholic 🙂 (NOT pitching for myself, thank you! I clown around only in blogs 🙂 )

  3. a funny read …hope I can make use of some of these pointers … But I tend to agree with Kajal..there is no word called match making … its a connection that you just need to discover.

    • @Shiva, well, these pointers do help you try and do your sanity check with the groom before you even bother to discover the ‘connection’ with him 😀

  4. How enjoyable! 😀 I remember one of my aunts was so impressed with the title “Territory Manager” then my cousin clarified it was Theru-theru manager and no better than door to door salesmen who often struggle for a living.

    I’ve read Devdutt Patnaik’s Sita in parts while waiting in a bookshop for my son for a couple of hours and thought it was delightful.

    Thank you Jairam. Your friend’s posts are great, just like yours!

    • @Vidya, ‘theru theru’ manager indeed 🙂 I remember this incident when my friend was doing his summer internship for ITC and was at a shop taking stock of the product placement in terms of the lights, signage, etc. He overheard one father telling his son, “Study well otherwise you will also be selling cigarettes later like this uncle here.” Now for someone who was studying at IIM Indore, to hear this was quite funny and shocking at the same time 😀

  5. Nice post. Loved each of the points described, but points 5, 6 and 7 are the best. In my personal opinion, a marriage is just as successful as the efforts put in by both the partners. As you said, if you consider one another as friends and have love and respect and if you do share responsibilities equally, in most cases your relationship would be success. But indeed it pains to see some beautiful couples getting separated on account of silly things like not getting a papad for dinner or a gift on a birthday.

  6. Lovely post Jairam. The 9th pointer took me back 28 years when first met my husband. He had longish sort of hair and looked every bit a writer. But as things turned out he has never tried his hand at writing anything except maybe his school and college essays. But I must say he s an avid reader and good critique. His e-book library has thousands of classics from around the globe.

    Couldn’t help sharing this post on FB.

    • @Geeta, glad you enjoyed the post and it brought back some memories to you 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing the post on Facebook as well, really appreciate it 😀

    • @Rickie, yes, these pointers are something else, aren’t they 😀 And you have no idea how happy my ex-manager is when I post his ‘nuggets of wisdom’ as he calls them on my blog 😀

  7. The thoughts are listed aptly with a touch of IT testing twist 😀 I could connect to it being a test engineer. I just laughed at this – Ask not what the boy’s job title is, ask what his role is

    How ever I will add one more pointer
    -> if USA is your dream try going there your self rather than searching a girl or boy who can take u there and not get u back even after 5 years even after stamping feet and tearing ur hair 🙂

  8. Being a Tambram and a Vaishnavaite to boot,I am estopped from giving my views as they are sought from others!!..Nevertheless I enjoyed the guest post laced with humour

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