Guest Post : When I first saw her


Today my favorite Guest Author takes us on a walk down memory lane where he narrates his experiences when he first saw his wife. This is a lovely little nostalgic post, enjoy…

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tambram001

My wife and I recently celebrated the 13th anniversary of our ponnu paathufying (seeing the probable bride). It’s time for a flashback. Join me as I go back to the past. The marriage proposal had come from an aged relative who knew both the families. I had firmly decided to turn down the proposal. I had come visiting only due to tremendous pressure from my uncle who had come all the way from Kumbakonam for the occasion. My (future) father-in-law had gathered his entire clan. All of Triplicane TP Koil Street was looking out of their balconies as I got off the Maruti 800 to enter my future in-law’s house. It was so embarrassing!

My (later) wife strategically had a rather chubby looking cousin seated next to her. The law of comparison kicked in. She also had her two close friends attend. Both seemed to be taking furious notes of all that I was doing. I looked at the wall and the ceiling fan and I was wishing I could disappear. My wife then offered to play the veena. I come from a rather tone deaf family and I thought that this will be the deal breaker. Instead, my mother surprisingly agreed and we were subjected to the veena recital.

tambram002

When did things turn? I was served lip smacking bonda and kesari along with piping hot coffee. It was prepared by my mother-in-law. I seriously reconsidered my situation. I asked to speak privately to the girl. This was unusual in those times. I explained to her that I was earning very less then (and actually even now) and that my job was transferrable. She promised to live within our means. She wanted to know if she could continue her dance performances. I had no problems with that. These moments of honesty don’t seem much now but they helped take a decision. I said ‘YES’ but put a condition that the marriage needed to be scheduled after 6 months. I should confess that it was to give the girl an exit path in case she didn’t want to proceed further.

Years have gone by. Here I am – married and a father of two loving daughters. My mother-in-law stays with me these days and I get a ‘maapillai’ treatment every day. Things have a way of working out though it didn’t seem so then.

I grew up when chances of boys and girls meeting were not that many. Arranged marriage was a way to link a suitable girl to a suitable boy. These days, boys and girls are far more networked and perhaps that’s why we see more love marriages these days. Love marriage or an arranged marriage is merely a means to an end. If it leads you to the person who is the one for you, the means should not matter. In my clan, every generation is more progressive than the previous one. My younger brother is married to a Singaporean. I think even if we had looked for a girl for him, we would not have found a better one for him. Will my daughters marry from outside the community? That’s fine by me as long as they are good boys.

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So, do you readers have similar stories to share. Go ahead and type them out in the comments section 😀

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26 thoughts on “Guest Post : When I first saw her

  1. Such a lovely tale!! 🙂
    I met K in college, we were/are best friends and we got married.
    It’s been such fun being married to my best friend 🙂

  2. LOL ! Periappa’s ammanji mama ! I am a blotch on a Tam Brahm. I don’t understand most of these arcane relationship terms..give me uncle, aunty, brother sister any time 🙂 Your post has got me thinking, that probably I should spin some humor around Tam Brahms and risk being ex-communicated by everybody 😀

    • @themoonstone, not everybody, you will still have me for company 😀 Go on, spin some humor around Tam Brahms, post the link in the comments section to this post. After all, everyone out there is looking for a good laugh aren’t they? And trust me when I say this, we Tam Brahms appreciate self deprecating humor quite a bit 😀

  3. Such a nice post. I had a love marriage, but we speak different languages, so it was quite a scene getting the two families together and getting them to talk. Now that we look back and compare notes, there were quite a few small things that could have gone the other way and resulted in the wedding being called off. I was oblivious to it all, but my wife assures me that it was quite a close call.

    Oh, well. Pays to be ignorant sometimes. And I can totally relate to the awkward silences that happen during these ‘boy-meets-girl’ scenarios.

    • @Sharath, glad that this post kindled some good ol’ memories for you and helped you realize that you also almost made a few small ‘costly mistakes’ 🙂 Purpose of post achieved if it gets all readers to think about ‘their first meeting’ 😀

  4. What an adorable post 🙂 Got a smile on my face 🙂 The husband and I had a pretty much similar girl seeing cermony..only thing, I didnt offer to play anything, and I asked to speak to him privately hehehehe 🙂

    We decided we would marry each other within 10 minutes because both of us didnt know what exactly we wanted from the other half of ours…and funnily, he is the first guy I saw and I am the first girl he saw 🙂

    • @R’s Mom, your story is so similar to mine, after being rejected by around 4 girls for ‘not being an engineer’ and ‘not having settled down in the US’, my wife was the first girl I saw and I immediately said ‘Yes’ in the fear that nobody else might even select me. As for my wife, well, that is a different story altogether, for another post maybe 🙂 Suffice to say I wasn’t her ‘first choice’ by any stretch of imagination, poor her, she had to settle for me 😦

  5. Interesting! It would indeed be wonderful to know his wife’s views too. 🙂

    I have been through at least about a dozen ‘pennu-kaanal’ visits by the age of 20. But I guess I was destined to marry this man with whom I have rediscovered myself about 12-13 years ago. My Dad had anyway accepted even before the marriage that he couldn’t have found a better person for me. 🙂

  6. My parents are right now in the process of finding a maapillai for them and reading this makes me wonder if I had rejected a good guy based on some superficial quality that was important to me….lovely post 🙂

  7. For me it was the first. We didn’t like each other at all….at least I wasn’t keen. But marriages are indeed made in heaven. So here we are…touché.

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