Today my favorite Guest Author takes on another topic which is very close to his heart, and am sure all our hearts as well – the concept of happily ever after and what it takes to achieve this utopian dream. As always, his worldly wisdom clearly shows through in every paragraph of this post and his trademark brand of humor is also kept intact even when he delivers what remains an important message in this day and age.
On most days, our house resembles a battle zone. It is understandable right? I mean with so many ladies…. It is a complete falsehood that wives will fight only with their mothers-in-law. The reality is they will fight with anybody who shares their kitchen – whether it is mother, daughter or mother-in-law. The specifics don’t matter.
One of things that you may wonder about is that whether it is a love marriage or arranged marriage, what happens to couples after marriage? ‘Happily ever after’ is one of the most misleading concepts that people have about marriage.
My analysis of Indian history is that the decline of the Mughal Dynasty began when their harems became too big to manage. The Mughal emperors were probably busy settling disputes amongst the ladies while the East India Company went all over the country. Of course, you will not read this in any conventional text book. Please don’t teach this to your children. They will figure it out for themselves when they get married.
So, what could cause disagreements among couples?
a. It is said that God could not be everywhere, so he blessed you with a mother and the devil could not be everywhere & so he sent across a mother-in-law for you. In-laws can certainly cause some ruptures.
b. You spend too much while your spouse spends too little. It could be reverse also, but I doubt it. Folks like us in IT are not exactly smart with money.
c. Responsibilities not shared. You may believe in thought leadership. Your spouse doesn’t.
d. Your friends. Just look around you. Are you really sure your friends look decent and presentable? I don’t think so. No wonder your spouse doesn’t want them around the house.
e. No common interests. (This is actually a blessing. But most spouses think otherwise)
f. The unknown side of you. Whether it is a love marriage or a courtship before an arranged marriage, we are at our best behavior. There is a side of us that our spouses don’t see until too late. Psychologists talk about everyone having a public side, personal side and also a private side.
So should you run away from committing to a marriage?
When an acquaintance made some rude comments about our apartment (it’s an old one!), my wife retorted that every old building leaks and needs to be maintained. This applies to marriages as well. Let me tell you something. All families are dysfunctional. You see perfect looking families only in the movies. Everyone is made of clay. Do you remember the Kurkure ad? “Tedha hai par mera hai!” This applies to families as well! We may be imperfect, but we are capable of loving each other.
How to kiss and make up?
Well, I am not going to answer the first part. The Moral Police is lurking in the blogosphere to catch offenders. Well on the second part, I can say this. Every time you hit a speed breaker in your married life, don’t give up. You are far more resilient than you think. Nothing helps like a heart to heart conversation with your spouse. If this doesn’t work, try ordering something from Caratlane. It’s expensive, but hey, who ever said it was easy!
If you are going to avoid getting married after reading this..
You have no idea what you are missing. Never mind. Can you stay back today and do some additional tasks for me? In any case, you have no one to go home to.
So what are your secrets to a happily ever after. Go ahead and use the comments section to educate all of us.