Today my favorite Guest Author takes on another topic which is very close to his heart, and am sure all our hearts as well – the concept of happily ever after and what it takes to achieve this utopian dream. As always, his worldly wisdom clearly shows through in every paragraph of this post and his trademark brand of humor is also kept intact even when he delivers what remains an important message in this day and age.
On most days, our house resembles a battle zone. It is understandable right? I mean with so many ladies…. It is a complete falsehood that wives will fight only with their mothers-in-law. The reality is they will fight with anybody who shares their kitchen – whether it is mother, daughter or mother-in-law. The specifics don’t matter.
One of things that you may wonder about is that whether it is a love marriage or arranged marriage, what happens to couples after marriage? ‘Happily ever after’ is one of the most misleading concepts that people have about marriage.
My analysis of Indian history is that the decline of the Mughal Dynasty began when their harems became too big to manage. The Mughal emperors were probably busy settling disputes amongst the ladies while the East India Company went all over the country. Of course, you will not read this in any conventional text book. Please don’t teach this to your children. They will figure it out for themselves when they get married.
So, what could cause disagreements among couples?
a. It is said that God could not be everywhere, so he blessed you with a mother and the devil could not be everywhere & so he sent across a mother-in-law for you. In-laws can certainly cause some ruptures.
b. You spend too much while your spouse spends too little. It could be reverse also, but I doubt it. Folks like us in IT are not exactly smart with money.
c. Responsibilities not shared. You may believe in thought leadership. Your spouse doesn’t.
d. Your friends. Just look around you. Are you really sure your friends look decent and presentable? I don’t think so. No wonder your spouse doesn’t want them around the house.
e. No common interests. (This is actually a blessing. But most spouses think otherwise)
f. The unknown side of you. Whether it is a love marriage or a courtship before an arranged marriage, we are at our best behavior. There is a side of us that our spouses don’t see until too late. Psychologists talk about everyone having a public side, personal side and also a private side.
So should you run away from committing to a marriage?
When an acquaintance made some rude comments about our apartment (it’s an old one!), my wife retorted that every old building leaks and needs to be maintained. This applies to marriages as well. Let me tell you something. All families are dysfunctional. You see perfect looking families only in the movies. Everyone is made of clay. Do you remember the Kurkure ad? “Tedha hai par mera hai!” This applies to families as well! We may be imperfect, but we are capable of loving each other.
How to kiss and make up?
Well, I am not going to answer the first part. The Moral Police is lurking in the blogosphere to catch offenders. Well on the second part, I can say this. Every time you hit a speed breaker in your married life, don’t give up. You are far more resilient than you think. Nothing helps like a heart to heart conversation with your spouse. If this doesn’t work, try ordering something from Caratlane. It’s expensive, but hey, who ever said it was easy!
If you are going to avoid getting married after reading this..
You have no idea what you are missing. Never mind. Can you stay back today and do some additional tasks for me? In any case, you have no one to go home to.
So what are your secrets to a happily ever after. Go ahead and use the comments section to educate all of us.
17 thoughts on “Guest Post : Happily Ever After”
Having been married for last 11 years now I feel that singledom is the better option than being married to a mismatched personality.
@Swati, yes, if the differences are so much that they cannot be reconciled, then I have to agree with you
hehehehe..loved the post…the author is right…there is nothing like a perfect marriage and some skirmishes definitely add to the spice in the marriage 🙂 When two people with different upbringing come to live together..there is bound to be friction no? unless they are robots or something 🙂
@R’s Mom, yes, and a welcoming and understanding attitude towards these differences is what makes a marriage successful 🙂
That’s an enjoyable post but marriage is far complex than this…at least for the women ( I suppose!)
@Kajal, given that the Guest Author is a man, I am guessing the perspective of women on this post might be radically different 😀
ah! I wish it was that easy no?
but the esteemed guest author has generalized and I wouldn’t agree to his points.
Mainly because I’m an eternal optimist. For me “happily ever after” does exist.
the secret is friendship, trust and love. If you cant have a conversation with your spouse.. there is really no point no?
I loved the last few lines though – “every family is dysfunctional but we love each other”
there is a saying in a very famous Kannada movie which roughly translates to – “If everyone’s house dosa has holes, my house’s raagi mudde has holes!!” That sums it up quite nicely I think!! 😀
@pixie, all in good humor, this was intended to be a fun post only, nothing serious about it 🙂
oh.. I know Jai.. but, being the eternal optimist and a firm believer of love and happily ever after – I had to disagree on principle at least! 😀
Oh wow my favorite writer is back! 😀 Loved this post. I agree that no family or relationship is perfect. Tedha hai par mera hai is what keeps us going I think 😀 Believe me when I say this – having lived alone for two years now after marriage – I would really not mind wet towels on the bed or not switched off lights/fans or high volume tv. All this means you have someone with you, who puts up with your crazy ways too, which is much much better than being all alone.
@greenboochi, am glad that you could relate so much to this particular post 🙂
Who is this author? Did I miss reading his name? A nice post 🙂 How men tend to simplify everything. 🙂 Marriage is just like friendship – you have to nurture and accept the differences.
@Jas, no you didn’t miss the name, he prefers to be anonymous 🙂 And regarding your point about marriage being like friendship where the differences have to be nurtured and accepted, fully with you on that 😀
Heh Heh. I liked the explanation of how the east India co. took over.
On a serious note, ‘Happily ever after’ is definitely not by chance…one needs to make concrete choices to take that route..saying it by exp. of 14 yrs 🙂
@themoonstone, given that the author himself has 13+ yrs experience in the topic, am sure he also agrees with you when you say that ‘happily ever after’ is a constant series of choices being made by both the parties involved 🙂
Quite a few valid points there ; As for Happily every after -well, we have to work on it. More on some days than others. But hey, can’t complain 🙂
@Sid, after all happiness is a result of hard work, isn’t it 🙂