Lost for words


nervousness01Those few hours of anticipation that I felt on that fateful day were like no other. Despite the fact that I had planned for an anticipated this moment for almost all of the last year, I had butterflies in my stomach nevertheless.

While my prayers and preparations were in place, the dreaded Murphy’s Law anything that can go wrong will go wrong kept ringing in my ear and despite all the confidence that I exuded externally, only I knew the completely messy turmoil that was happening inside of me.

The fact that I was an eternal pessimist and had always used to plan for the worst case scenario almost all my life, during all the important events, didn’t help me one bit on that day. If anything it served to exacerbate my tensions and worries even more, and what was worse I didn’t even have any confidante or friend or well-wisher with whom I could confide in, if not for anything else, at least to get the load of doubts off my chest.

While the first couple of hours of the ‘event’ passed off as expected, the tension in the air was palpable. This was the first time in my life that I was completely helpless in terms of the fact that I had absolutely no control over the situation and all that was happening around me. This was one of those ‘natural events’, ‘acts of God’ which one could only react to and not do anything about, and there weren’t too many similar events in my life that I had come across which could prepare me for this one.

nervousness02As I mentioned above, while the first couple of hours went off as expected, the next few were quite nerve wracking. Despite their best efforts, the experts couldn’t do much as the circumstances leading to the end result weren’t quite conducive for a ‘normal ending’. This meant that they had to take the designated Plan B for the event and necessary preparations started taking precedence over Plan A.

Now, while I had heard of Plan B and was somewhat prepared for the same, the fact that it meant the more normal Plan A had to be abandoned made me lose my nerve a little bit. There I was, a complete nervous wreck with the situation fully out of my control and left with no choice but to pray to the entire consortium of the ‘powers that be’ both divine and human for Plan B to go off as planned.

This truly was the one occasion when I was completely lost for words, emotions, movie allegories or even abstract images in my mind to describe all that I was going through.

After all, not everyday does one’s wife get wheeled into the Operation Theatre to get a C-Section done to deliver your first-born into this world.

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This post has been written for Project 365: A post a day where the intention is to publish at least one post a day based on the prompts provided. Today’s prompt was to publish a post about a time when I couldn’t quite get words or images to express my thoughts. And the post above details some of the emotions I went through when my wife was in the labor room about to deliver my first born.

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