Idiots’ Guide to impressing your boss

My favorite Guest Author comes up with another gem of a post with this Idiots’ Guide to impressing your boss. These time-tested techniques have held him in good stead over the years, given that he has reached a formidable position in the hierarchy of the company he works for, and this post therefore will hold valuable nuggets of wisdom for all of us who are trying hard to move up in the hierarchy at work.

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Your spouse and your boss are the two most important people in your life. They can make your life miserable or they can make you happy. At least, you have some illusion of choice when it comes to choosing your spouse. But, you have to live with the boss you get. It is said that there are no bad companies, but only bad bosses. The worst case scenario is where your spouse also happens to be your boss (like in the Airtel ad). In that case, please do post on how you handle things at work and at home. That should be interesting.

If you perform good deeds in this life, you will accumulate good karma and this will help you get a good spouse and a good boss in your next life.

What about in this life? That’s where I can help. You can’t fool people all the time. So, trying to impress your spouse never works. They always know when you are putting on an act. But, fooling your boss, I mean, impressing your boss, you can give it a chance and see if it works.

a. Learn the art of sincere flattery. Try practicing in front of the mirror. Everyone, including your boss needs positive reinforcement. Genuinely try and find good things to say about your boss.

b. Don’t gossip about others to your boss. He / She may appreciate the juicy news you are sharing with him/her about others. But he / she knows that you are likely to be untrustworthy and will spread news about him/her to others too. Be a good keeper of secrets. Be worthy of trust.

c. Your boss is a lonely person. The ones above him are trying to make his / her life more & more miserable. The ones below him (including you) desperately want to get promoted and take away his/her role. That may account for his/her temperament.

d. Say something during meetings. Say you agree with your boss or say you disagree and explain why. It shows you are paying attention.

e. If your boss happens to be of the opposite gender, be professional and be courteous to him / her at all times. Don’t act familiar. Don’t be nosey. Respect their personal and private side.

f. Don’t underestimate your boss. He / She didn’t get there by dumb luck. (OK, maybe I did. But, I think I might have done something right unknowingly sometime in the past to get where I am). Some bosses are good in dealing with clients, some are process oriented while others are people oriented. Learn what makes them tick.

g. Discuss but do not argue. When you discuss with your boss, you find out what is right. When you argue with your boss, you are trying to find out who is right.

h. Make your boss look good to other teams. He will appreciate you for it.

i. It is OK if your boss is not your best friend. Don’t make him/her your worst enemy.

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Now, if these tips don’t help you click with your boss, then nothing can help you.

Go on, share your personal techniques of how you impress your boss at work in the comments section. Give the rest of the readers a fighting chance at going up the corporate ladder.

Guest Post : Happily Ever After

Today my favorite Guest Author takes on another topic which is very close to his heart, and am sure all our hearts as well – the concept of happily ever after and what it takes to achieve this utopian dream. As always, his worldly wisdom clearly shows through in every paragraph of this post and his trademark brand of humor is also kept intact even when he delivers what remains an important message in this day and age.

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On most days, our house resembles a battle zone. It is understandable right? I mean with so many ladies…. It is a complete falsehood that wives will fight only with their mothers-in-law. The reality is they will fight with anybody who shares their kitchen – whether it is mother, daughter or mother-in-law. The specifics don’t matter.

One of things that you may wonder about is that whether it is a love marriage or arranged marriage, what happens to couples after marriage? ‘Happily ever after’ is one of the most misleading concepts that people have about marriage.

My analysis of Indian history is that the decline of the Mughal Dynasty began when their harems became too big to manage. The Mughal emperors were probably busy settling disputes amongst the ladies while the East India Company went all over the country. Of course, you will not read this in any conventional text book. Please don’t teach this to your children. They will figure it out for themselves when they get married.

So, what could cause disagreements among couples?

a. It is said that God could not be everywhere, so he blessed you with a mother and the devil could not be everywhere & so he sent across a mother-in-law for you. In-laws can certainly cause some ruptures.

b. You spend too much while your spouse spends too little. It could be reverse also, but I doubt it. Folks like us in IT are not exactly smart with money.

c. Responsibilities not shared. You may believe in thought leadership. Your spouse doesn’t.

d. Your friends. Just look around you. Are you really sure your friends look decent and presentable? I don’t think so. No wonder your spouse doesn’t want them around the house.

e. No common interests. (This is actually a blessing. But most spouses think otherwise)

f. The unknown side of you. Whether it is a love marriage or a courtship before an arranged marriage, we are at our best behavior. There is a side of us that our spouses don’t see until too late. Psychologists talk about everyone having a public side, personal side and also a private side.

So should you run away from committing to a marriage?

When an acquaintance made some rude comments about our apartment (it’s an old one!), my wife retorted that every old building leaks and needs to be maintained. This applies to marriages as well. Let me tell you something. All families are dysfunctional. You see perfect looking families only in the movies. Everyone is made of clay. Do you remember the Kurkure ad? “Tedha hai par mera hai!” This applies to families as well! We may be imperfect, but we are capable of loving each other.

How to kiss and make up?

Well, I am not going to answer the first part. The Moral Police is lurking in the blogosphere to catch offenders. Well on the second part, I can say this. Every time you hit a speed breaker in your married life, don’t give up. You are far more resilient than you think. Nothing helps like a heart to heart conversation with your spouse. If this doesn’t work, try ordering something from Caratlane. It’s expensive, but hey, who ever said it was easy!

If you are going to avoid getting married after reading this..

You have no idea what you are missing. Never mind. Can you stay back today and do some additional tasks for me? In any case, you have no one to go home to.

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So what are your secrets to a happily ever after. Go ahead and use the comments section to educate all of us.

Guest Post : When I first saw her

Today my favorite Guest Author takes us on a walk down memory lane where he narrates his experiences when he first saw his wife. This is a lovely little nostalgic post, enjoy…

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My wife and I recently celebrated the 13th anniversary of our ponnu paathufying (seeing the probable bride). It’s time for a flashback. Join me as I go back to the past. The marriage proposal had come from an aged relative who knew both the families. I had firmly decided to turn down the proposal. I had come visiting only due to tremendous pressure from my uncle who had come all the way from Kumbakonam for the occasion. My (future) father-in-law had gathered his entire clan. All of Triplicane TP Koil Street was looking out of their balconies as I got off the Maruti 800 to enter my future in-law’s house. It was so embarrassing!

My (later) wife strategically had a rather chubby looking cousin seated next to her. The law of comparison kicked in. She also had her two close friends attend. Both seemed to be taking furious notes of all that I was doing. I looked at the wall and the ceiling fan and I was wishing I could disappear. My wife then offered to play the veena. I come from a rather tone deaf family and I thought that this will be the deal breaker. Instead, my mother surprisingly agreed and we were subjected to the veena recital.

When did things turn? I was served lip smacking bonda and kesari along with piping hot coffee. It was prepared by my mother-in-law. I seriously reconsidered my situation. I asked to speak privately to the girl. This was unusual in those times. I explained to her that I was earning very less then (and actually even now) and that my job was transferrable. She promised to live within our means. She wanted to know if she could continue her dance performances. I had no problems with that. These moments of honesty don’t seem much now but they helped take a decision. I said ‘YES’ but put a condition that the marriage needed to be scheduled after 6 months. I should confess that it was to give the girl an exit path in case she didn’t want to proceed further.

Years have gone by. Here I am – married and a father of two loving daughters. My mother-in-law stays with me these days and I get a ‘maapillai’ treatment every day. Things have a way of working out though it didn’t seem so then.

I grew up when chances of boys and girls meeting were not that many. Arranged marriage was a way to link a suitable girl to a suitable boy. These days, boys and girls are far more networked and perhaps that’s why we see more love marriages these days. Love marriage or an arranged marriage is merely a means to an end. If it leads you to the person who is the one for you, the means should not matter. In my clan, every generation is more progressive than the previous one. My younger brother is married to a Singaporean. I think even if we had looked for a girl for him, we would not have found a better one for him. Will my daughters marry from outside the community? That’s fine by me as long as they are good boys.

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So, do you readers have similar stories to share. Go ahead and type them out in the comments section 😀

Guest Post : Idiots’ guide to gymming

I am sure that all of us at some point or the other have at least contemplated joining a gym and exercising to get ourselves in shape, more so, if we work for the IT Sector and lead relatively sedentary lifestyles.

My favorite Guest Author now has been advised by his family doctor to hit the gym and get in shape to bring his cholesterol levels back to acceptable levels. And as is his forte, he shares us some interesting and howlarious observations about gyms in general.

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My study tour of the gym yielded many insights. Let me share them with you. Please ask your Supervisor at office to stop annoying you. Tell him that you are working on an important deliverable. Irresponsible, these supervisors, not letting you spend a few minutes educating yourself.

1. You must wear branded stuff only. Make sure that the logos are visible. If it appears too new, you will look like a L Board. So, there must be signs of wear and tear. I bought my gym attire in Saravana Stores. So, if you look closely, the logos will read as ‘Niky’, ‘Adhidas’ and so on. But, I get value for money.

2. The folks on the street will drink water from water bottles. In the gym, you use a sipper. Sipper is basically a plastic bottle. If it is meant for children, it has Doraemon sticker on it. If is for folks in the gym, it has a sports logo and is priced 3 times more.

3. Should you wear close fitting clothes? Those of you who know about my six packs, would have expected me to flaunt it. But, I must admit that I actually disguise myself in loose fitting clothes. This is to avoid distracting all those young folks around me. I may have a body of steel, but inside me beats a tender loving heart.

4. I should however warn you that anything lesser than a 3/4 pants is a risk. This is especially if you wear torn socks like me.

5. When should you go to the gym? Never. Sorry, that is my frustrated real self speaking. Well, go whenever convenient. But, don’t end up having samosas after your gym work out. You might have as well stayed at home.

6. Running on the treadmill doesn’t help you catch the Siruseri bus. What’s the hurry?

7. Weights in gyms are marked in kilos as well as pounds. One kilo is approximately 2.2 pounds. Use this confusion to advantage. Claim to lift 20 kilo weights when you actually do 20 pounds.

8. Grunt when you do anything. It is supposed to make folks around appreciate your enormous endurance levels.

9. Use your time in gym to good advantage. Watch TV, read the newspapers, drink water, appreciate the scenery and the designated 1 hour will pass in no time.

10. Want to know the best fitness routine? Give me a smile. There! That’s the best workout your face has got today.

10. Last but not the least, don’t ever blog about gymming in the official blog network. There are many fitness freaks blogging here who run marathons, climb mountains, ride cycles to work etc. They will give you an inferiority complex and a splitting headache.

Gymming can’t buy happiness, but Magnum ice cream can 😀

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So now that you have been enlightened with the author’s views on gyms and gymming, I am sure you have your own gym stories to share. Go ahead and share them in the comments section 😀

Guest Post : Idiots’ guide to ladies footwear

Today my favorite Guest Author decides to tackle an issue which has piqued and continues to pique my interest all my married life, that of what the various variables are when women go shoe-shopping. And as is the norm with all his posts, his tongue-in-cheek humor and whimsical way of looking at life ensures that this post will be a laugh riot, at least with the readers that have a sense of humor.

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It was only when I noticed that our servant maid was wearing Dr.Scholl’s that I realized how important footwear is to the ladies. Of course, with the kind of money our servant maid makes, she can buy a pair every month. Gone are the days when shoe racks at home were for storage. Today, shoe racks are built for display.

Here are some pointers –

a. When ladies meet up, they discuss heels, flats, pumps and mules. These are not types of boys. These are types of footwear.

b. No one has just one. The only ladies I recall owning only one set of footwear or less were my daughters when they were babies, less than 6 months old. That time of course, they wore socks and mittens.

c. The average shoe store retailer will show 9 pairs before a lady makes up her mind. Don’t pity him for patiently dealing with your loved one for 1 hour. He actually has got it easy. You are going to deal with your loved one for a life time.

d. Every lady needs that extra pair of footwear. She hopes that like Cinderella, that one extra purchase will make a huge difference to her romance prospects.

e. The smart ladies try out footwear in the nearby shopping mall and then buy the same brands online at discounted prices from Jabong or Flipkart. That’s retail therapy for you.

f. The men buy footwear that they are comfortable in. The ladies buy footwear that they look good in.

g. After a tiring shopping expedition to Bata and Reliance Footprint, my wife exclaims that finding grooms for our daughters will be a lot easier than finding footwear that they are happy with. Both boys and footwear are similar. They are stamped all over by the ladies. Yet, they endure.

The elder one frets that her feet are too big. I explain to her that having Ranganathar paatham (big feet!) is considered very lucky. The younger one fancies Udayanidhi Stalin after watching ‘Idhu Kadhirvelan Kaadhal’. I don’t mind taking her to Mochi if she will get over her fancy.