Fathers and daughters

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A baby girl is born, the mother gets to see her first, hold her first. The infant girl soon begins to learn that all she has to do is wail and bawl and make funny noises and pronto, the mother is at her side, holding her close, cuddling her, nursing her, feeding her. As if this weren’t enough the lil one also has the father, the grandparents (both sets of them) and at least one aunt giving her timely diaper checks to see if she needs a change.

She also has visitors galore, people from far-off places such as Kolkata (yes, even in this day of low-cost airlines Chennai is far off from Kolkata, at least in terms of people pulling out enough time from their busy schedules to spend 20 odd mins with the new addition to the family) visit her, give her gifts (albeit limited in variety, after all there is only so many things that you can gift to a 10 day old infant). She also has specialist help around the house where one maid just comes in on a daily basis to bathe her, plus we have another maid who washes all the soiled cloth diapers and then waits for them to dry before ironing them and keeping them ready for the lil one to poop into again.

The mother also gets a decent deal. Leaving aside the physical discomfort of the feeding, and the extraordinary sleeping (or should I say ‘waking’ hours), everybody has a kind word, a piece of advice or some home-grown tips for the mother. ‘Sleep when the lil one sleeps’, ‘Don’t bother with what doctors tell you, feed her when she gets cranky’, ‘Eat lots of spinach and foods with natural iron content’, these are a few samples of the words of wisdom the mother gets, and trust me, all of them are really good. Lo and behold, within no time the mother is well on her way back to physical health.

Mentally the mother is also satisfied when the infant feeds well, sleeps well, smiles at her, plays with her, etc. She is the one person in the world who is in the best position to keep track of all of the baby’s developments. Right from the small bump on the baby’s head to the small undulations caused due to the infant constantly turning her head to one side, the mother is one who is privy to all this confidential information.

In my humble opinion, the fathers get the raw deal. They lose out on their wives’ love and care. Gone are the days when the Missus used to ask whether he would be delayed from office, whether they could go to a movie on the weekend, whether he still loved her. All she wants to know now is whether he bought the diapers, whether he booked the pediatrician’s appointment, whether he bought the new diaper rash cream for the kid, etc. The fathers also lose out on their parents’ care. So he neither has a wife, nor parents, nor parents-in-law to figure out whether he needs anything at all.

But then, you know what the best part of this entire story is??? The fact that you have yet another woman in your life who you can share all your joys with, all your happiness with, all your good days with, is simply worth all of the above and more. Women, by nature, are a species who tend to over-react to all situations in life, which makes them the best people to share good things with. Any small joy is immediately multiplied when it is shared with the Missus. And add the lil one to the mix and all these small joys are automatically tripled. Every small occassion, every small event, every small instance, all of them become celebrations of life, and this more than makes up for all the ‘losses’ faced by the father.

Raksha, this post is dedicated to you. Thank you for coming into our lives. You don’t realise it but you already are a bundle of joy (except when you trouble Amma late at night !!!)